The Feeling of Defeat

Have any of you ever seen the show "Addicted to Food" on the OWN network?  On the first show as they were introducing the people who were being treated for their addictions, a woman named Lanie said something that really resonated with me and my feelings of failure and defeat. 

It was something like this..."Everyday I wake up on a diet and every evening I go to bed a failure."

Have to say that really packed a punch for me.  How many times do we end up saying to ourselves...just one more time...I'll start tomorrow or after the holiday or on Monday...too many times.  I really struggle with an all or nothing attitude which is largely why I am still overweight.  I am excellent at dieting...can lose the weight when I put my mind to it, but I can't stick with it.  All it takes is one slip to ruin my day...week...month...etc. long diet and I am back to my same old fat self.

I truly believe that what I have is an addiction.  The thing of it is that unlike other addicts we can't get away from our addiction.  If I was addicted to alcohol, drugs, cigarettes, etc. I could kick the habit and never have to do it again...however with food we need it.  We cannot survive without food, so how do you kick the habit when your next fix is just a room away?

Angry Fat Girls

I am inspired to start this blog after beginning to read the book Angry Fat Girls by Frances Kuffel.  I have just begun, but it is a book that resulted because of her weight loss of 188 lbs. and subsequent regain of 100 lbs.  I'm not going to give you the full synopsis of the book but lets just say it served as my catalyst for this blog.

I am going to use this blog to document, journal, vent, etc. about my life as I go about it and my struggle with my weight.  So, here is a basic introduction of myself to start us off...knowing that more will be revealed as my journey continues.

I am 29 yrs old and a stay at home mother of 2...Wyatt 6, and Anna almost 4.  I live on a farm with my children, husband Charlie, miniature schnauzer Hunter, and various cattle.  I have struggled with weight pretty much since puberty.  It is something I think of most of my waking hours and many times a reason why I can't fall asleep at night.

My stats:
5ft, 7in. tall
current weight: 184 lbs., size 14 barely fitting into them
Lowest weight as an adult: 130ish, age 18, size 7 with no muffin top!!!
Highest weight: 197, age 28, size 16 barely fitting into them
pounds I'd like to lose: 40